Two years ago today at 2 a.m. I found myself in pieces on a hotel floor.
It had been coming on for a long while, I had tried to stay strong, not seek help. But trying to stay strong for too long floored me.
The anxiety & depression caught up, I spent 6 weeks in ghost mode.
I’m much improved now, but if I’m absolutely honest, I’m still in repair, have some low days, some un-good days & the occasional bad day.
The bully, that is depression, still tells me, I’m overreacting and making a fuss, that everything is my fault, that however hard I try, whatever I do, I’m never good enough.
On ungood days, it tells me that I have nothing worth saying. That I’m boring, stupid, irritating. So I become quiet, untalkative, introverted even.
On low days, it tells me I drag others down. It tells me I’m a burden. That I’m wasting my life, wasting opportunities, and wasting other people’s time.
On bad days it tells me to give up hope. That it will always be bleak. Theres no future, no happiness, that I’ll never feel better.
All these things depression tells me are lies, manipulative, cruel, insidious lies.
But as I discovered, help is out there. You can get to a point where it no longer overwhelms you with lies. We all deserve help to overcome this, and we can.
You must try and be kind to yourself. Don’t leave it too late, talk, seek help, do it now.